Sunday Question – How Easily Do You Trust Others?

I’d be lying if I said I was the most trusting soul. I treat everyone equally when I meet them, but I don’t take many chances with people until I’ve gotten to know them.

Trust Us, We’re Experts
by Paolo Massa

This is an interesting topic because many people will say that they’re not the most trusting of souls, yet their actions will betray them. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. She was telling me a story about things that kept happening where she works. I asked her why she hasn’t learned the lesson about people and stopped saying things in front of those who she knows will turn against her in a moment’s notice. She said that she gets mad, gets careful, but as things calm down she drops her shields and forgets the previous problems, and then it happens to her again.

It’s not that there aren’t times when I trust people to do the right thing. I tend to believe that most people will try to do the right thing. And I trust that they believe they’re doing the right thing. It’s just that I don’t trust everyone’s judgment at all times, and I worry about how it might negatively affect me.

So, I work hard at maintaining a sense of neutrality across the board until I do figure people out. Good people will always flesh themselves out. I truly believe in my three core principles when evaluating everyone: loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness. You can’t ever tell that based on a first impression, which is why I take my time in evaluating people who will stay in my life a long time.

How easily do you trust others? Do you take time to make sure, or do you make friends easily, only to lose some of them just as easily?

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25 thoughts on “Sunday Question – How Easily Do You Trust Others?”

  1. I am usually a social guy and I befriend anyone fairly quickly but that doesn’t necessarily mean i trust them. I always try to asses someone before really thrusting them and put them through trials to determine their trustworthiness(without them knowing of course).
    Anyway I am very careful of what I say to any of my friends no matter how much I thrust them, I think because I was tricked so many times as a child and I learned my lesson.

    1. I have my few confidants, Alex, and I stick with that small group when I talk about things. Today proved once again that you never know when something uncomfortable is going to become the topic of conversation when you least expect it.

  2. I have different levels of trust for sure. I have the handful of people I trust with anything I want to tell them and then others people that are at various levels of trust. Some people just have that personality that you instantly feel you can trust them, and that is where I usually keep my guard up. Making that mistake before you really know them well enough can get you into a lot of trouble for sure.

    1. Definitely Melinda. It’s a bit strange for me because people tend to tell me things all the time, even though I don’t tell as much about myself. Maybe I’m just oneof those people who people trust, and I don’t mind that at all.

  3. I am also the kind of person who easily gives my trust, loyalty and friendship to someone most especially if he/she has been so nice to me. But once that trust was broken, it was so hard for me to give it again. Probably yes, the second time around but definitely not like the first time we’ve met because there’s an invisible wall that will divide us now.

    1. I know what you mean Andy. I used to be that way, but now I’m a bit more circumspect with new people.

  4. Hello Mitch. I admit I am pretty trusting until you show me otherwise you can’t be trusted. I trust someone when they say they know how to/will do something, but as far with important things that matter i.e kids, my personal life, money etc. not so much.

    1. That’s pretty smart, picking and choosing like that Karen. Maybe I’ve seen too many shows on TV, but in general I’m a pretty safe guy who never sits with his back to an open door. lol

  5. I have been far too trusting most of my life. I just never got that people wouldn’t treat me the way I treated them. It has caused a lot of heartache, cost me plenty and hopefully I have now learned the lesson! I still rather be trusting than not but hopefully with age have grown in discernment and wisdom.
    Some people seem to be worth trusting and it may take many years before who they are really comes out. Others show their true colours straight away.
    I am now in a good place with fewer friends but people around me who I can trust. I am still guarded about really personal stuff and don’t share much on that level.
    My Mum is so wise and usually sums people up more or less straight away. Sadly I don’t take after her in that area of my life.
    Patricia Perth Australia

    1. It can be tough to figure out sometimes, Patricia. I will “like” many people up front without trusting them, which is an interesting mix. I came to this based on all my early travels; you learn eventually to protect yourself.

  6. Now this is another interesting question, do you mean it virtually or in real life, or both? 🙂 Well, to me ‘trust’ requires time and depends on how I feel when I’m around that person. You can say ‘instinct’ is another factor as well. I have met some really good friends, both on and offline, and the level of trust differs. Some are business contacts while some are pure friends. It’s still better to keep our guards up and not revealing too much personal details before you’re sure who you’re connecting with.

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    1. Ching Ya, I mean both. After all, I doubt anyone comes online and divulges every single thing about themselves to the masses, Facebook notwithstanding. FB is a good example of people who have lost their minds by putting a bit too much on their page, then wondering how certain information gets out about them, even if they had everything on private.

  7. I tend to trust people from the very first meeting and that trust lasts till I find it being misplaced. This has landed me in quite a few spots and I am right now faced with two such spots which are giving me ulcers. Such experiences however do not deter me from being trusting with strangers. On a scale of ten, 9.9 have not let me down so far.

    1. True Rummuser, but all it takes is .1 to give you an ulcer unfortunately. You know, I think that’s why so many people have fallen for, and continue falling for, those Nigerian scams (although I doubt they’re all from Nigeria), because they’re trusting that someone has reached out to them for help.

  8. Hm…I don’t trust people unless I know them very well, and the bad part is that I can’t really be neutral. If I don’t trust someone that person can really tell, and I don’t make the slightest effort to hide it. I think that’s a form of honesty as well 🙂

  9. Mostly I want to trust everybody, but nowadays is really impossible. However in my family relationship trust is everything and me an my wife, we always try to understand each other.

      1. To be honest, I just wanted to write something positive. However, it is not always 100% trust, but compared to previous one she is an angel.

  10. I tend to make friends easily, but I do have my guard up at first.

    I also have “gut feelings” about some people, and have usually been right!

    1. It’s always best when one pays attention to their gut feelings, right Carolee? And for everyone else, Carolee’s one of the few people I’ve met in person who comments here.

  11. I used to trust everyone and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. But like Patricia and some of the others who commented, I’ve been stung hard and have pulled back a lot. Now I wait to see if someone can be trusted, rather than assuming that’s the case. I still have my idealism, though, and am surprised almost daily by how many people really can’t be trusted. It helps me appreciate those who can.

  12. Hello 🙂 I like this post. LOL … you know, the thing about the young lady in your post here, is that it feels bad to walk around with the guard up all the time. The person at my job who I distrusted so much, and I was right, had made changes… so I assumed that she had grown as a person. yet, there were all these “signs” if you will that she was as sneaky and underhanded as she was when I started there.

    I truly like to believe that people can change. But this woman, never did… she created a paranoid environment and I had to take matters into my own hands on several occasions. As you know!

    And you know? She got fired (I hope) due to her lying and deceit… the office is slowly getting better. Except for the other issues going on which I wash my hands of. Don’t involve me, don’t cross me and we’ll all be fine.

    I am consistently amazed at how another human being, can be so devious and cunning as to put on this face of pure innocence yet still be a huge wart. And this is being kind. Her behaviors, has caused such emotional duress through out my office and people who have known one another for YEARS have all been up against one another in various ways, some trying to make themselves feel better. One, I heard recently tried to blame me for it. LOL Course, they don’t realize … that in their attempt to blame someone for this woman’s despicable behavior, they all let it go on for YEARS… I did nothing. Cept, reveal the truth that everyone was hiding. I gave them the excuse, the valid reasons and facts they were looking for to replace her. I’m not a head in the sand type person. I won’t go down if accused of something I didn’t do without a fight.

    It’s interesting though how people are tossing blame back and forth and want to point fingers, who feels guilty, who feels they want to say it was me… who the problems were pointed out to and I just gathered the blaring facts.

    Was it me? Or was it her actions and lying, manipulative behavior that made things as they are now…

    You decide…

    Me, I just want her to go away .I wouldn’t have had a friend like her to save my life. Although, as Mitch pointed out, there were those times where you hoped she’d learned her lesson and I’d relax. Yes folks, if you haven’t figured it out, it was me he was referencing. (I don’t mind) …

    I think its a situational thing… I didn’t trust her anymore but when you’re cooped up with a person and they exhibit some change in their behavior… you want to let go of all that animosity. Because that eats you up inside. Feeling that anger towards another human being… toxic stuff.

    I don’t know why people feel the need to mess with me. At least here, everyone wasn’t wearing blinders. There are those still coming to terms with the situation who didn’t even see it coming… which is as interesting to me, as me being silly enough to let my own guard down. I usually just banish people like this from my life. That’s that… but I was stuck with her and seething at her … highly unethical, dishonorable behavior, every day… was so much work, I felt bad every day.

    Now, it they allow her to come back… then we’re going to have a problem. I sure hope not.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Sue. I certainly was never going to “out” you. Thing is, we’ve talked about people and their overall ability to change. Most people don’t change unless forced to, unfortunately. So seeing some positive signs in someone who wasn’t really forced to change is often just a smokescreen, and it can happen again, as you saw. Hopefully your issue is resolved now.

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