You Can’t Please Everyone So Start With Pleasing Yourself

I found this to be an interesting turn of events. Every once in awhile I write reviews of things, my opinion on a book, movie, software, etc. Most of the time I don’t know the people all that well, although on this blog I wrote a review of Bev Mahone’s book How To Get On The News Without Committing Murder and I know her fairly well.


There’s a happy guy!

In that vein, I recently wrote a book review on a book by someone I’ve known for 10 years. I can’t say we’re great friends, but he’s someone I’ve respected from day one, a very driven and successful guy who wouldn’t be the worst person to emulate in many ways.

It’s a good book but not an easy book to read, and I put that in the review, along with other things. I highlighted some things about the book that were positive, and off I went. I even sent him the link to the review so he could see it.

Turns out he didn’t like the review at all. He said it was packed with lots of negatives, and he proceeded to tell me how I should have written the review. He also said that he’d shown it to others who agreed with him and thus felt justified in sharing his thoughts with me.

I was… stunned. I’ve never had anyone hate a good review before. And this is someone who’s seen my writing style, being an early subscriber to my business newsletter. We’ve met in public and I’ve asked him to speak to groups of mine. Frankly, I guess I thought we had a better relationship than we did I suppose.

What did I do? I wrote him back, trying to express that it was written with a positive bent in mind but that I felt it was truthful. I said that I’d never intentionally hurt him and that he should know that as I’ve promoted him to multiple people over the years. I also said that the post would stand, period. His response back didn’t quite like that; so be it.

I also asked a couple other people to read the review, just to see if they felt like him & his friends, and they said the review looked positive to them as well as truthful. Here’s that review if you’re interested in checking it out.

Writing is an interesting venture. You find that there are people who like what you do and people who don’t. It’s pretty universal when you think about it; as much as I love the Harry Potter books there are lots of people who hate them and the way they’re written. For that matter there are lots of people who hate Harry Potter that have never picked up a book or seen a movie; that’s pretty hypocritical but what can you do. Sometimes it feels like the lyrics from a Fred Knoblock song (I bet that takes some people back lol)

Although we write our blogs to share our thoughts with others on a myriad of topics, when all is said and done the first person you have to please is yourself. Did you say what you meant to say and did you say it the best way you could?

Sure, sometimes people misunderstand what you said or what your position is on something, but the beauty of blogging is that you get to clarify yourself if someone doesn’t agree or understand. Hopefully even with topics that people disagree on they’ll stay civil; doesn’t always happen as you know.

Pleasing yourself first means more than one thing sometimes. Yesterday I sent out a notification to my newsletter subscribers that I was putting it on hiatus for 6 months, and possibly not starting it up again after that period of time.

When I initially started writing it I was writing it mainly because I felt I had a lot to share and I thought others might enjoy reading it as well. In the last 2 months I felt I was writing it because of duty and I wasn’t sure that anyone really liked what I had to say, including me.

I have the blog for those topics now, and I’m not sure people really like it all that much. Duplicating the effort in a perceived losing quest made no sense after 10 years.

Truth be told, the only way you ever know if someone else likes what you’ve written is if they comment on it. Traffic means nothing because you never know if people actually read it or showed up accidentally through a search and bolted after the first couple of lines. So, if you’re writing to please others, get that thought out of your mind.

Feel the pull of writing, embrace it, smile at it, then do it. If it’s a chore, or there’s no enjoyment in it anymore, give it up, slow it down, or change things up. If you don’t like it, no one else will like it.

Take a breath, smile, laugh and enjoy life. And if whatever it is you do, whether it’s writing or working or playing poker, please yourself. 🙂

5 Ways Blogging Is Like Visiting A New Store

I live in the central New York area and my favorite grocery store is called Wegmans, which is also usually in the top 5 corporations in the nation every year as best places to work for. I also border a Wegmans via my backyard, the one I won’t go out into. I love Wegmans; let’s just get that out of the way.

With that said though, I’d be lying if I said everything at Wegmans is perfect. Indeed, there are some things that I can’t find at Wegmans that I have to go to other stores for. There are some other things I’m not crazy about that Wegmans offers. That’s just the way life is; you almost never find perfection anywhere you go (kind of like Japanese and Chinese restaurants and their horrible desserts).

Truthfully, for many years, probably at least a decade in fact, I never went to another local grocery store chain. I did go to the one individual store in the village that where I live is associated with, family owned, but that’s it. However, I have found that sometimes you’ll discover some interesting things in other stores. And when I was thinking about that I also realized that there are ways that going to stores you’re not used to correlates with blogging. So, in my never ending quest in trying to convince people just how special blogging is, I offer 5 ways that blogging is like visiting a new store.

General store
Alex Eylar via Compfight

1. Sometimes you’ll find something really tasty elsewhere. Wegmans has these amazingly juicy rotisserie chickens, big and plump at a pretty good price. They supposedly have 4 flavors; I say that because once you take the skin off, they have no taste at all. At another store I found rotisserie chicken as well, smaller, close to the same price, but marinated throughout the entire chicken and it tastes wonderful! Sure, I have to drive 8 minutes to get there as opposed to the 30 seconds of a drive it takes to get to Wegmans but it’s worth it most of the time.

Visiting multiple blogs opens up a world that you might have never known existed. There is a lot of wonderful talent out in the blogosphere and a lot of different styles. One of the recommendations I’ve made in the past over and over is that a great place to get ideas for your own blog posts is to visit other blogs and see what others have to say, then use your blog to comment on it. There’s nothing wrong with expanding your horizons that way.

Edmond Mille - Vegetable Fruit & Potatoes
Mahdi Abdulrazak via Compfight

2. Other stores have deals that your own store won’t have. Something I discovered relatively recently is that when it comes to health care in this area each grocery store chain and probably drug store chains as well offers something that another store doesn’t. Wegmans offers Lipitor for free. A store called Price Chopper offers insulin syringes for free. And of all things, it turns out that Walmart Superstores offers their own insulin brand where, instead of paying $285 for a month’s worth of insulin, it only costs $49 from them.

Not only is there a lot of talent on the blogosphere, but there are tons of different topics that people love to write about and everyone has their own style. Hopefully that includes you, because even if you have a topic that people love, if all you’re doing it regurgitating what someone else said first no one will care. Like above, all the stores have the same things, but each offers them at different prices. Your blog should be just like that.

Caden Crawford via Compfight

3. Sometimes you can only get what you want at a place you’d never think to visit. I love cinnamon Altoids. I used to buy them all the time at Wegmans. Then they stopped selling them and I thought I was out of luck. I visited all the other grocery stores and none of them sold this particular flavor anymore either. On a whim I decided to stop in at a drug store and, happiness, they sold them. I’ve now found that 3 drug store chains in the area sell them; whew! I’m someone who never really went to drug stores but I’m finding some amazing things these days that I thought were lost forever.

I’ve talked to people who say that there are certain types of blogs they’ll never go to. Heck, I’m the same but my list has gotten smaller. That’s because every once in awhile you find that you’ve categorized someone as one thing because of how they describe themselves and realize that they’re so much more than that. This is the only one of my blogs where I’m not sure how people categorize me, yet I write my posts with the hope that wherever they put me they also see me as someone who offers them something they can’t get elsewhere. And I hope that’s a good thing.

Jerry in the sugar isle face down
TheeErin via Compfight

4. You get a better appreciation for quality. I mentioned above that Wegmans is one of the top corporations in America multiple years in a row. What’s ironic is that one of the worst grocery store chains in the country is also here in central New York, with one store about 5 minutes from my house.

In most places you visit a grocery store and there’s not much difference from one to the other. That’s not how it works here, and that’s not how it works in blogging. Sure, some blogs and websites are prettier than others, but that’s not the only thing that decides whether one blog ends up with more visitors and traffic than another. In the end no blog or website is perfect, but all it has to be and seem is better than someone else’s, seem to be written better and offer something better than what someone else has to offer. Sure, there’s room for everyone, but sometimes there’s a great separation between quality and not so much, and it’s everyone else involved that makes the difference.

Choose Wisely!
Chris Goldberg via Compfight

5. When all is said and done, there’s a place for everybody as long as they show some competence and spirit. I gave you a link to the grocery store chain ranked as the 6th worst in the nation above. However, they have two things that are pretty cool. One, they have their own chicken nuggets that taste fantastic and are plentiful at a pretty nice price. Two, they have their own discount program where sometimes they discount certain items as much as 75% off the normal price; you kidding me? True, it’s not always about price but wow!

Same with blogging. We can’t all be (insert your favorite blogger here) and we can’t all have blogs ranked in the top .1% and we all can’t put out as much content as Huffington Post or Copyblogger. What we can do is be the best we can be, offer opinions and information, entertain, educate or inform, be interesting and original, and just write our own blogs and contribute to conversations on other blogs. If you can’t be the best then be the best you can be; no one will ever fault you for that.

Now, was that so hard? 😉

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6 Things I’ve Seen While Cleaning Up Old Comments

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been spending time here and there going back to clean up comments. This is a daunting task by the way. The blog is over 5 years old and there are nearly 26,000 comments. The reason I’m looking at comments isn’t to pick on anyone in particular. What I’m doing is taking care of some maintenance because of Google’s Panda and Penguin and also because I had to get rid of that Broken Link Checker plugin and the one I’m using right now isn’t quite as good; okay, it’s not even close.

Sadly Sarah's clone took a step back in development, so it looks like she needs a vacuuming lesson with our trainer vacuum (complete with mysteriously vanishing hose).
via Compfight

With that said, as I’ve been going through some of the much older comments I’ve seen 6 different things, one that’s actually more a help to you if you decide to do the same type of thing than the others are. Let’s take a quick look shall we.

1. On WordPress blogs (I’m not sure about blogs but possibly), if you want to delete someone’s link you don’t have to go into edit or quick edit to do it. There’s an X right next to the link; just click that and it’s all gone. If you have CommentLuv it looks like it eliminates that as well, though you’ll still see it sitting there.

2. It’s amazing just how long some blogs and websites have been gone. While some blogs had totally disappeared, many blogs still existed somehow. By that, I mean there wasn’t anything new on those blog for 3 to 4 years, but most weren’t hooked to a website and weren’t on a free blogging site, so I wondered if the people paid for 5 years or more when they made their initial purchase.

3. I found that there have been some folks other than my buddy Sire who’ve been participants on this blog for a long time. Two of them, Rummuser and Ajith, have been coming by since 2009; thanks guys! Others have popped in here and there for the past 3 years; I thank you all.

4. There were some pretty good bloggers who have stopped by here and there over the years. I’ve looked at a lot of sites and some of them I decided to stop by and leave a quick comment on a recent post. It’s so cool seeing some old faces and I lament that we seemed to have drifted apart on the blogosphere. It kind of makes sense; how the heck could we all keep up with each other in the long run right?

5. There were a lot of bad sites as well. You know, when we first get going in blogging we just don’t pay much attention to the links that are coming into our sites, and as I was going through I was stunned by what I was seeing. Luckily I think BLC (see above) took care of lots of those links in some fashion but some of the rest… Folks, you need to make sure you take care of your blog by looking at some of the links people drop.

6. There were some old friends who’d stopped blogging for one reason or another. Out of three that I used to talk to all the time I know one stopped blogging because he got sick, another stopped blogging because she got a gig writing for her local newspaper, and the third… well, our bet is that he got sick and just up and disappeared because he had a pattern of doing that, and the previous time before this one he was laid up for 9 months. The rest… well, you just never know what someone’s circumstances might be, and as I think about it my belief is that one day it’s going to happen to most of us because I’m betting most of our spouses have no idea how to do anything with our blogs. So, one day there just won’t be any more posts, and unless we live close to a person we’ll never know what happens, only be left to suspect. Kind of sad isn’t it?

That’s all I’ve got. Any of you doing any maintenance on your sites? If so, what are you seeing?

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The Secret To Success Is…

This is one of those posts where I get to see if you ever really watch the videos I put here or not. You won’t even have to watch it all; just enough of it so you get the answer. However, I think if you’re astute, and of course you are because you come here, you’re going to be really smart and possibly figure it out without watching the entire video. If I see someone guess though, it means they didn’t watch the video and I’ll be deleting those comments because, for this one time, I want you to check out the video.

selling cake

All of us get to define what success is in our own minds. All of us want to be successful; no one goes into a life or business and says “I want to be mediocre”. Even if you want to be the best you can be in what you do that’s a goal that’s better than “I just want to survive”. Yeah, I know some people will say that but I’m going to say I doubt that anyone really believes that.

If you do, this isn’t the post for you and I’m already depressed for you. 🙂

Is there a major secret to success? You bet there is. I can tell you what the secret isn’t though.

It’s not knowledge. Some of the smartest people in the world never become successful. Supposedly 80% of Mensa level people never make much money or have much happiness in their lives.

It’s not perseverance. That would be nice wouldn’t it, saying that if I put my time in and do the best I can that I’ll be successful. Many people who try to make a living online work upwards of 16 to 18 hours a day, 7 days a week. Not all that many of them are successful. Ask a lawyer who makes $300,000 a year but puts in that many hours if they feel successful; you’ll be amazed at how many of them will say no.

It’s not talent. That one’s depressing because there are a lot of talented people in the world who only have a few people that know about it. There are some great people online who write some amazing things, but an overwhelming majority of them, which includes me here, aren’t successful.

What is the ultimate secret to success? Watch the video below; I promise it’s painless. 😉


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Changing How I Accept Comments On This Blog

Just over a month ago I wrote a post where I questioned the types of links I was seeing on this blog. I’m not the first one to wonder about this type of thing but with the types of things going on with Google, Panda, Penguin and whatever else they come up with, I’ve started looking at them more.

DMU Comment Study (with)
Chris Martino via Compfight

I’ve also noticed that most people aren’t paying attention to the comment policy, the very short one that’s right above the box you write comments in. What happens is people are putting in keywords in the name area, which I’ve asked you not to do, and your comments are going directly into the spam filter. Then I’m having to go in and pull them out of the comments seem like they’re pretty good. After that I then go in and remove the keywords from the name, then approve the comments.

Frankly, that’s getting tiresome and I shouldn’t have to do that because, well, I did ask. So I’m making some changes to how I’m going to accept comments from this point on, and it’s going to involve a couple other things as well.

First, if your comment goes into the spam filter because there are keyword names in it, I’m leaving it there. Almost everyone who comments often knows this because I’ve mentioned it directly to them. Also, I’d set up my spam filter to automatically send all comments that have the @ symbol in the name field to spam. So, those comments will never show up; sorry. I will alter the program a bit though because I know a few folks who comment often really want to use that 3rd word, something else that automatically sends comments to spam. I don’t feel like pulling y’all out of there all the time either so I’ll make that change; thank me later Brian. lol

Second, I’m not accepting anymore comments where the email address goes to “info“. Do you know that almost no one who uses that has ever responded to a single comment I’ve written then directly, asking a question? That proves to me that it’s not you writing for you but for someone else, and you’re not seeing it and they don’t really care about this blog or about engagement. It’s always been my intention that we have engagement on this blog and since I know it’s not coming, that this is just a weigh station to drop a comment and move on, those are gone.

Third, the same goes for certain links. I don’t mind business links and I certainly don’t mind blogs. But I’ve seen more affiliate looking links popping up, folks trying to add specific pages to go to and such, and I know those are killing this blog. If the link is questionable I’m removing it. To date I’ve been removing links because I’ve noticed some folks leaving comments from different businesses, and I talked about that previously. Thing is, if I know it’s your website or blog I don’t have a problem with it; my buddy Sire has 7 or 8 blogs and he’ll switch up the links from time to time. I do it as well. But my picture comes with all of them, as does his; most of the folks dropping these things don’t have an image and thus it’s questionable.

Fourth, and this is the last one, if the name in the email is different than your name or your business name, I’m removing those comments as well. If you use a male first name & it’s a female name in the email, or vice versa, those are easy. I might miss a John and Jack and that’s okay because I know those two names can be used interchangeably. But I won’t miss a Bob and Steve; way too distinctive. If people are paying you to write for them the least they can do is give you a proper name and email; if not, I don’t need it here because I know for sure you’re not ever going to see what I’ve written back to you.

I know Adrienne’s going to be proud of me for taking these steps, that’s for sure. I appreciate when people comment here but I’d like to know that people are doing it because they care and want to exchange ideas, not as a pathway to a linking strategy. Yeah, I know it happens, but at least be more clandestine about it.

That’s all I’ve got; I suppose the commenting will drop some, but I’ll know who cares and who doesn’t from this point on.

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