Last week I listened to an interview on a blog by Ray Edwards with Carrie Wilkerson, whose new book called The Barefoot Executive has just come out. I bought it and I’m about 1/4th of the way through and it’s very good, so I’m recommending it to you as a great business purchase.
Anyway, I was drawn to one particular point where she talked about dreams and how people will have dreams of things they want to achieve, yet sometimes it scares them to think about getting there and then, if it comes, what to do about it or where to go from there. She used two great examples from two of my favorite movies (y’all know I’m just a big kid, right?), Tangled and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
From the first movie, the main character is about to experience something she’s dreamed about from the time she was a child, and she’s somewhat sad. When asked why she’s sad she answers “What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?” His response is “It will be.” Then she asks “And what if it is; what do I do then?” His response is “Well that’s the good part. You get to go find a new dream“. From the second movie we remember that Snow White is singing a song about wanting her Prince Charming to come, and when he actually shows up she runs into the house and closes the door.
I tend to be a dreamer, but I’m also a realist. I know that if any of my major dreams ever do come true that my life would change.
I believe that many people who end up being rich and famous, or even just rich, haven’t prepared themselves for what’s potentially coming. That’s why so many people who win the lottery end up broke, and so many people who end up famous go to rehab, or at least get counseling. All of them know the hard work it took to get where they got, but once there, how many of them have built a foundation to help them keep some of that money and prestige? I mean, how many professional athletes have to end up losing all their money for whatever reason before someone sits back, thinks about it, and realizes that just getting there isn’t enough?
I think it’s this fear that has so many people leaving comments on this blog whenever I talk about striving for the top saying they’d rather make enough to be comfortable, whatever that means. There has to be a fear of getting rich, of being famous, of suddenly seeing your friends change their behavior towards you or you changing your behavior and your friends, of spending money on things you’d have never bought before just because you can, and the fear of what happens if you lose it all and have to start all over again, yet can’t capture what you had.
Two quick stories, if I may.
First story; I used to play piano and sing at weddings. Back in 1999 I performed my last wedding. I got to sing a song that I’d always hoped I would sing at my wedding, a song I wrote. It was the final song I ever sang in public, in a church, and I got my one and only standing ovation. I decided that day I was done, that it wouldn’t get any better than that, and I’ve almost never played the piano or sang again, even in the shower. It was a dream I had, though not quite how I saw it coming, but I accepted it and moved on.
The second story is about weight. I’ve always had a weight issue, I hate to admit. When I first went to college I was probably in the best physical shape of my life but still slightly big. I wouldn’t eat much my first year in college because I couldn’t get used to the food, and I lost 26 pounds. I kept that weight off 2 years and thought I’d always keep it off. I gained it all back and more in my third year and, didn’t lose it again until 10 years later.
Then I lost 66 pounds and was down to what I considered a great weight. Thing is, I never believed I could hold that weight, as I thought I’d lost way too much, and two years later I’d gained that weight back and then some.
One more time I lost 50+ pounds and finally I was at the weight I thought would be perfect. This time I held onto it for 9 months, then things started heading south again. See, with my weight, I’ve always dreamed of a size I wanted to be, but I’ve never been able to prepare myself mentally to stay there, and thus I’m back on the losing weight thing again. I also never saw the weight loss in a mirror; in my eyes I still looked like a bigger me.
Think about this and let’s see what you have to say; what if your dreams came true? Would you be prepared? Would you be ready for another dream, or would you say “it can’t get any better than this?” Or are you fearful that you’d hit your dream and that you couldn’t sustain it, thus would rather not even dream, not for fear that you couldn’t get there but for fear that you might get there?
If you’ve never seen Tangled, enjoy this little clip from the movie, apropos to this topic called I’ve Got A Dream:
Beautiful thoughts here. I write this comment as I listen to the great little tune from Tangled too. They’re inspiring!
Let’s see. Dreams. Well, finally, my dreams are finally coming true. I just kinda lived like they always would come true. And then, all of the sudden the past couple of weeks, some music producers contacted me – and we’re in the process of putting together an album now. Working on prelim work – and then the album will be out next year. I’m just amazed! I’ve been working with some very influential music people, and I just can’t believe that the dream of performing for many will be coming true. It’s a dream, and it’s here.
When your dreams are starting to come true, it’s somewhat of an odd experience. It’s like living in a dream once again! lol
Wow, congrats Christian! Of course now you’ll get to see if the dream is what you hoped it would be. Dealing with producers, other musicians, studio time, balancing up front money with back end payments, expectations, publicity shoots, touring… sounds like I’ve been there, doesn’t it? lol I haven’t, but I’ve met people who have. Some loved it, some hated it, especially when music they’ve written is treated differently than how they heard it. But when it all comes together, things can be great.
I’m happy for you; I’m sure you’ll keep up all informed on how things are going as you push through it all.
big sigh. I was finally there. Ready to retire. my husband had a good job with security. I planned my retirement date (April 2012) I was going to quit working and dedicate myself to painting, which is what i love to do the most. A dream come true. I was counting the days. got to almost 200 days left when our life changed and I found out my husband of 33 years had a rare type of cancer. Can I retire in April? Do I want to? Will I be able to spend the next 20 or 30 years with the man I love? Any semblance of control or planning went out the window. At this point, I wonder how people DO plan.. I guess my biggest dream was to have a partner for my life and I got him. And i was prepared, and every day we show each other just how important we are to each other. Life is short. Live each day to the fullest..
Thanks for sharing this Mimi. I often think the reason my parents retired had more to do with my dad being sick, though they didn’t tell me at the time, than the fact that Dad was ready to retire because he loved his job. Of course at this point I’ll never know, but it is amazing how fast dreams will leave, isn’t it? I wish for the best for you and your husband and hope y’all have plenty of years and dreams left together.
Same boat as you, I have lost 80lbs and still going! It would be great to get to my dream weight but I am fearful of what happens when I get there. Will I be happy with the Perfect weight or will I want to lose more? or will I not maintain it and gain it all back( I hope not) Great examples by the way! I love snow white 🙂
Thanks Tayna. That’s the thing about dreams; eventually some kind of reality has to come into play, whether you hit the dream or not. Frankly I figure I’d rather hit the dreams and then deal with it, which I did that one time with my weight. When I hit the music dream I knew what I was going to do and that was sweet as well.
Good points, Mitch. Following a dream isn’t easy and achieving it is even more difficult. Achieve success twice in my life, first time exactly after my childhood and I can say that I was not prepared and waste it and 2nd time with my business in China, but for this one, I’ve never even thought that I would be in manufacturing and engineering business. However in both cases I was not prepare, probably just lucky. In a sense of humor, because I don’t really regret anything about my pass, the story turn to be more like “Snow White, 6 dwarfs and the hobbit”, a bit different than the original. There is one point which I think was the key to my success, both times I was in a stage of mind when I really didn’t wanted anything major, I felt comfortable and my mind was absolutely free, probably I was in love and may be I didn’t wanted anything more.
Carl, it sounds like you came upon a dream you didn’t realize you had when you fell in love, and there’s nothing wrong with that dream. I went 10 years between girlfriends, rarely dating, and it was always something in the back of my mind that I felt would just happen. And it did, but between that it took 2 wrong relationships to get there. Still, the dream was there, though I wasn’t pursuing it all that drastically.
Actually, the 2nd success was failure, because wrong relationship. I personally believe that if you want something which is possible, it doesn’t matter how long it will take, it will be achieved and I also think that it is very important if this takes longer as this will be the best way to be prepared for the next step.
I like the way you think Carl; I’m the same way.
We all have dreams. But are we really ready to live them? Thanks for this warning that we should not only aim for success, but we should also prepare ourselves for when we reach that success.
It’s what I do Grady, but this time I had inspiration. 🙂
Everyone has right to dream. I also dream about some things that I want to happen in my future.And sometimes my dreams can make me feel happy, because I do believe that some day they will happen) Feel free to dream every time you have such an opportunity
Hi Mitch,
Nice post.To dream for something is not a bad idea and many people reach their goal or dream if they are fully passionate about it.
If you’re going to dream, dream big! That’s what I always hear. But if you’re dreaming big, wouldn’t it be hard to make it come true? So why not dream simple dreams first. Then you can then try to reach the dream of you dreams.
Jlem (is this your real name?), the idea isn’t to make your dreams easy so that you can get there without much effort. That’s not a dream, that’s a goal. Dreams are supposed to be big, and then you plan how you’re going to get there, if it’s that kind of dream, or you believe with all your heart that it’ll come and then see if you were able to manifest it. One of my first dreams was to make enough money so I could buy a chair that cost $1,300 without worrying about spending that much for it. Turned out to be relatively easy to reach and then I didn’t want the chair. So now I’m dreaming bigger, and though it’s still far away, it’s one of those things that helps me keep going, trying to be really successful. That way, even if I don’t get there, I’ll have other successes that will help me attain other things I want as well.
Dreams are just that..dreams unless one makes it real in their minds. That’s where goal setting comes in. I am with you on the weight issue. I need to lose a few (okay, a lot) of pounds so I can start feeling better. I need to set a goal to reach AND then when I reach that goal, I will need to set another one to continue to monitor the weight and do something it it gets 5 pounds over the ideal weight I want to be at. I would say the same about money, set a goal to earn X amount or save X amount and then have another goal ready to go to maintain or grow it.
Nope, it’s not easy, takes commitment, time and perseverance. Unlike lottery winners, achieving and keeping a goal is much harder than a dream.
Scott, I think the keeping is really harder than reaching the dream, unless it’s a really big dream. Remember the “standard rich and famous contract?” Well, how many people because of YouTube have found themselves in that place? But how many were ready for it when it happened? Trust me, I have a plan for that $10 million, which is my dream goal at the moment (actually it’s always been the dream goal, outside of that large house I want to buy).
Mitch, another great post! I am a dreamer, and i dont have any qualms in accepting that i am not a realist! I know it is important to be a realist, coz unless you are one, you will not chase your dreams hard, but if i try also, i cannot be one.. Not much of a movie buff, but will surely try to see the two movies you have mentioned.
Hi Grant; welcome. It’s okay to be a dreamer, but as I asked, if the dream comes true then what? I mean, when most people meet their first “dream mate”, it rarely ends up being the last one, and some people hold those scars forever. Shame, but it happens.
Dreams are more like goals, it’s good to have dreams become it keeps us focused. Once a dream is reached, then it is time for the next one, and the next one and so on. Of course some may come true, and other may not, but what I think it’s important is that we should always try to make them true (and not just wait for something to happen).
Mia, I’m with you. At the same time, if you hit your ultimate dreams are you ready to hold onto them?
This article really made me think Mitch. The scariest thing about realizing your dreams in my opinion is maintaining status quo and actually progressing further onto newer and greater heights. For example when you become rich; in my opinion, the greatest fear would be losing everything! You most definitely gotta have a plan on what you would do next when you do eventually realize your dreams! You are too right!
Thanks Allan. You know, for all the people who talk about being able to make big money online, you see so many of them that hit it big once, then spend the rest of their days trying to hit it big again. I remember one guy saying he had more than $100,000 3 years in a row, then suddenly his world fell out from under him. And he hadn’t put any money away because he always thought it would continue coming in like that. I have a big dream I’m shooting for and I also have some plans for how to hold onto some of it if I ever get there because I don’t trust that I will sustain it “just because”. Too many stories and too many examples of famous people have proven that not to be true.
I think I can accept my dreams if they came in increments. Right now, I am dreaming about at least 25k per month training people on how to write and blog. Ideally, I will receive at least one $5,000 check every week in my account. That’s possible with proper planning. I have the idea, now I need to do what it takes to make it happen.
Now, what happens when those checks come? In my mind, I’m going to pay all of my expenses one week; invest in retirement with other; invest in my business and save the rest.
I am prepared for that part, but I think I fear the responsibility and reactions of people closest to me. Many will be happy, others will be begging. I don’t need any new friends and relatives!
Wow Marcie, I love your dream! And needing to do what happens to get you to your dream, or at least close, is a big deal for all of us. You sound like you have a plan; I’m proud of you for that. I need to work on mine some more, then actually stick to it. 🙂
I personally want to do the best I can possibly do in life and I know I can manage and do a lot more then I currently achieved. I don’t really want money, or “stuff”, material things will never work for me as far as satisfaction goes, I just want a better world and a peaceful carefree life, doing the things I love to do. That’s my dream.
Cristian, that’s a nice dream. Unfortunately, the way the world works is the way being on an airplane works. You know how they always tell you to put your own mask on first before trying to help others? It’s what all of us have to do, work on ourselves first, because the more we can succeed with our dreams, the more we can help others.
Hey Mitch,
I’m somewhat like Mimi in the planning ahead respect. My life changed drastically several times so everything I had planned and dreamed about changed instantly. That’s why I don’t plan way ahead any longer.
I still have dreams though and I honestly believe 100% that I will be able to handle them when they do come true.
I’m not perfect in everything I do but I also use to have a slight weight problem. Once I lost the weight and was where I wanted to be, I made a conscious effort to stay there. I’ve been there now for probably the last eight years. If you want something bad enough, you’ll figure out a way to get it and train your mind to keep it. That’s what I believe at least. It’s worked for me.
Thanks for making us think about this Mitch. Great subject!
~Adrienne
Thanks Adrienne. I have the dreams but haven’t reached most of them, which I guess is what keeps me going. You never know when it’ll be your time to check out, so having dreams is a way to at least get you to take care of yourself enough to hopefully try to stick around for awhile. Still, one needs to mention it from time to time, being ready for the dream so you can accept the gift in a way that’ll help you sustain it.
Mitch , i want to say thank you for your ideas, this is the best article ever. I’m just 17 years old(actually 17 in 2 months), i can not compare myself with other people who really obtain everything in their life, who achieved their dreams and who transformed all their plans in reality but i have my own experience about this topic.
I’m from Moldova( it is a really small country situated between Romania and Ukraine). There is an exchange program in our country FLEX( future leaders exchange ) and i applied here in 2011, it is a big program, it has 5 levels as i remember and almost every high school student participate for FLEX but just around 30 can become finalists and have the opportunity to go to the USA , live there and study in an american school for an academical year. SO…long story short… i applied there the last year,actually already 2 year ago , i passed the first level, and i was waiting for their call to tell that i passed the second too, but they didn’t call me back,i was very upset. I was that child who dreams about America every second, i fall asleep and woke up with this idea that i will walk on that streets, i will live there…i will think as Americans do, but it didn’t happened. This program is available for freshmen and sophomores , in that year i was a freshman and i still continue to believe that i will visit the continent of my dreams sometimes. I applied for this program again in my sophomore year, i passed the first level, i was again waiting for their another call, they called me, i was happy, then i had an interview , i passed this level too, then i had to write a lot of essays , i passed this level too, it remained just the last one… my every friend already told me that i’ll do it, i’ll realize my dream, as a modest girl i always told them” oh no, it’s not true, you just try to sustain me…” but actually i knew that i’ll become a FLEX finalist.. and yes,after almost 7 months, they called me and said that i’m a winner and i won a year in the USA… i can not explain my feelings in that day, it was the most beautiful day in my life! I didn’t expect their call, i was tired and i was lying in my bed after a crazy PE class…. they called me, i begun to jump, to scream, to dance, to sing. My neighbors called me and asked me if i’m ok 😀 so…
Finally arrived that day when i had to say “good bye” to my friends, family, relatives… in that day i realized how much i will miss my small country, my town, my home, my own room, my mom and my life there… i cried almost every time. Yes, i’m that kind of sensible person, but my last day there was the worst ever.. i worked really hard and i dreamed about this chance my whole life and now: the day when i have to begin to live my dream -it is the worst… the trip was really long, i cried so much… when i arrived in the final airport , i wanted to turn back and go home and i knew that there -my mom is waiting for me, and that there is my soul, and how can i survive being so far? I stopped in one corner in the airport and cried, then i knew that i couldn’t change anything and continued to go and to find my host family that were waiting for me there….
Now, i’m in the USA already for more than 4 months, i like this lifestyle , it is totally different from ours, now i can think deeper about my future, how i want it to be, i learned a lot from Americans but i’m still wearing my Moldovan HEART .
I wasn’t ready for this dream… sometimes we live an ideal life, we try to crate our own “magic, super duper cool , perfect life” that keeps us far from the real , totally “not perfect world”. … but, we never ask ourselves if we are actually ready to live the dream… it becomes true and it scares us so much that in one moment we stop dreaming anymore.
I’m happy that i won this opportunity to come here… but every time when i am talking with my parents and my mom cries i remember again about that moments in the airport ….and i learned one lesson:
We are not strong enough to deal with our dreams… ♥
Thank you again for your article .. it was amazing !
You know, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine and he brought up the same topic, how people become that which they set their mind on. I guess it’s one of those things where if your persistent enough, unwilling to give up, then it’s inevitable, you reaching that destination you’ve set for yourself.
Unfortunately that’s not quite true Uche. Some people reach it, some get close, but those are folks willing to put in the effort to get there. Just dreaming it won’t get it done; after all, Mariah Carey hasn’t shown up at my house yet. lol