Working From A Position Of Fear

I’m going to own up to something up front. I’m not as confident a person as some people think I am. Often, I feel like I’m reacting more than being proactive. Sometimes, when it gets overwhelming, I don’t act at all. Does that surprise you?

Fear Itself
Christi Nielsen via Compfight

It shouldn’t. Truth be told, even the most successful people have times when they’re unsure of something. Some of the smartest people in the world have had times when they’ve questioned their own beliefs and the work that they’ve done. I’m betting that every person who reads this has had the same thing happen to them, if it’s not happening right now. Who’s ready to own up to that?

FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real. Who’s heard that phrase? It’s totally true; I mean, think about it for a minute. Do we fear things because we know that they’re absolutely going to go badly or because we suppose they will?

Sometimes fear is a smart thing. Fear is what keeps us (most of us anyway) from jumping off cliffs with towels around our necks thinking we’re going to fly like Superman. Fear is what keeps us from picking up cookies in the dirt and eating them.

Sometimes fear is irrational, but it is what it is. I’m scared of bugs and a few other things that I have no real explanation for. There are people scared of leaving their homes. There are people scared of clowns… well, that one might be valid. 🙂

Sometimes fear is something we have to fight. There might be an underlying cause, to the point that you know it’s there, know how to fight it, but sometimes you just can’t put it all together and overcome it.

The last one is the one I’m addressing today, because it’s the one that holds all of us back from achieving what we really want, which is success. Who doesn’t want to be successful? Do you know how to be successful? I talked about it in this video, which some of you new folks might not have seen since it’s from 2013:
 


https://youtu.be/wigiJMeRunU

So, I do know the path to being successful. Yet, this is my biggest weakness. After 14 years of being in business for myself, you’d think I would have this one conquered. Heck, I even know how to do it, along with its counterpart. What’s the issue?

I’ve been told I’m too nice at times; yeah, I don’t believe it either. lol My issue is that I don’t want to bother people, even during the day when they’re in a business that I can offer services for that I know they need. Trust me, I know they need at least two of the services I can provide, and other people probably need some of the other services I can provide, though they’re not all that critical.

Corporate Books

I go back and forth between that thing where, growing up, I was taught not to bother people or, as we all heard, “talk to strangers”, as opposed to “you’re the president of your company; you’re supposed to bother people.” By the way, I am the president of my company. It’s official; take a look at the picture of my corporate books to the left. 🙂

Here’s the thing. If we’re in business, or we’re trying to be in business, or we have something we want to market or sell, we have to be willing to put ourselves out there and get it done.

We also have to be willing to do other things that help us out by giving ourselves an opportunity to have something to help promote us. That’s actually the reason I wrote my second book titled Leadership Is/Isn’t Easy, because it gave me a second book on the topic of leadership that I can promote, since my last book was from 2004 and the newest product I had after that was from 2009; I have to do way more than that.

That’s the thing about fear; it inhibits us from doing what we need to do. So we don’t ask out the person we’d like to date (okay, I’m married, but you know what I mean lol). We don’t ask for more sauce for our lasagna. We don’t want to ask for our money back when we buy something that’s deficient.

We don’t ask for the sale. We don’t put the things we create out into the market. We don’t promote our services, our blogs, our businesses… we’re fearful of the reaction we might get because… we do the same thing to others who are trying to sell and market to us. Who can disagree with this?

It’s a lesson we have to learn. We have to break the fear of trying. We have to break the fear of rejection. We have to break the fear of not being good enough. Something I was listening to last night brought it all together with this statement: “I’d rather fail a hundred times than wonder what could have been.”

That’s why about six weeks ago I asked what can I teach you? I’m going to be creating more products and marketing them. I’m going to create a few product pages of some things I’m really high on and I’m going to promote them. I’m also going to reach out and talk more about services I provide; those you might not necessarily see on this blog but I’m going to do it anyway.

Because all of us can be successful, but it takes courage because that’s what overcomes fear. And unlike spiders and grasshoppers (ugh… lol)… this one I know I can defeat. Who’s with me?
 

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My 3 Top Fears

Time to bear my soul a little bit. This was inspired by another blog post I read yet can’t remember where I read it. Still, it had enough impact on me to become a topic to write about, and that topic is fear.


Fearless Freep ain’t scared…

Why do we talk about fear? We talk about it for three main reasons.

One, because it gives us something to share with others, especially if they have the same fears.

Two, because in its own way fear can be motivating, either making you do something you don’t want to do or figuring out another way around it so it can be avoided.

Three, because like most things, if you don’t acknowledge fear you don’t have the opportunity to fix it, if it can be fixed. I talk about this often on my business blog when I’m talking about one of the most important things about being a leader is not being afraid to hear the truth, no matter how bad it might be, because if you can fix something before it’s totally off the tracks you have a better opportunity to keep things moving smoothly.

Let’s stop dodging the topic, my top 3 fears. Here we go:

1. Bugs.

This my strongest fear, which is why it’s at the top of the list. I hate them all, and I don’t care whether you call them bugs, insects, arachnids, pests, etc. I hate them with a passion.

The fear is so great that I can’t buy bug spray that has a picture on it that looks anything close to being real. I can’t look at them in a magazine, can’t watch them on TV, and if they show up in a movie I either have to cover my eyes or take my glasses off so I can’t see anything (ask my friend Scott about going to the Indiana Jones movies with me lol).

This is one that I’m never going to be able to do anything about. If I know I’m in the room with a bug I have to leave; that’s how intense it can be sometimes. Luckily, it’s not an issue I have to deal with all that often.

At home I have bug spray ready; outside, well, I’m not outside all that much. After all these years I’ve learned how to deal with the knowledge that they’re out there, waiting to get me, but I have the advantage of knowledge versus hunger; I can only hope they continue to stay dumb.

I’ve actually gotten slightly better over the years at dealing with them if they get into the house. I might have to dress up in some pretty strange stuff to get the courage to take one on, but if I don’t do it and my wife isn’t home who will?

2. Death. This is fear number two, mainly because I know this is one I probably can’t avoid. I say “probably” because I keep hoping that the episode of Outer Limits back in the 50’s where the guy got so smart that he evolved into a being that couldn’t die has a chance to work. That’s why I read so many books and many science books. However, this one is probably only a pipe dream. lol

This one scared me up until 2002, when my dad passed away. Then it scared and depressed me. Every year I get older, I realize that I’m coming close to my final day and I don’t like that thought one bit. What’s strange is that as I get older I also have one of those days every once in awhile where I say “hey, if I go, at least it’s finally over”. What that “if” is is never clear to me, and I hope to keep it that way for awhile longer. Still, very few of us get to really prepare for death; it comes when we’re not expecting it and often not ready for it. We always fear the unknown, right?

3. Failure. This is definitely in the top 3, and unfortunately it’s the one that’s closest to me, and fortunately the only one I might have some control over.

The thing about failure is that it means something different to each of us. For me, failure has more than one meaning, which is sometimes scary. Failure is not feeling comfortable enough to do more sales to promote my services, which of course could eventually lead to total failure of my business.

Failure is not having anyone read anything I write anymore, which could lead to my blogs shutting down and no one hiring me to write for them any longer. Failure could be disappointing my wife to the extent that she decides I’m not the right one for her anymore and could leave. Failure could mean gaining back the weight I’ve lost (19 now and counting), or never losing another pound. Failure could mean adding onto the one main health problem I do have because the body just can’t take it anymore. We all know where that could eventually lead to (see #2).

Those are my 3 biggest fears; anyone else willing to tackle this one, either on your own blog or here? Do you have ways you work on overcoming any of those fears? And can motivation help you deal with some of those fears?
 

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