Let’s face this fact; things don’t always go the way we want them to go. It seems that at least once every day something goes awry in some fashion. Sometimes it’s a small thing, sometimes it’s a big thing. None of us are immune.
Truthfully, there’s little that can be done about the big things. Someone you know expires, no matter how it happened, you’re not going to be prepared for it. Your house falls down because of an earthquake, who can be blamed for something like that? Major crises affect every person in different ways, and I’m not going to minimize how awful things like that can be.
Luckily, the majority of negative things that happen to us aren’t all that big a deal. Sometimes we make them big deals, but I’m of the opinion that’s on us. I know because I’ve run the gamut of both. When it seems like I’m in a bad pattern every little thing that happens feels like things are piling on and they’re never going to stop. When I’m in a good pattern things roll off my shoulders, and even if I get upset it doesn’t last long. That’s a better place to be; believe me.
In that vein I decided to share 5 little tips on how to deal with problems in a positive manner, and then I’ve included a video that I know some folks will say they liked but aren’t going to watch it; sigh… lol Hey, it is what it is right? These will be short; let’s get started:
1. When something happens, gauge how much you or someone else got hurt. If no one got physically hurt or received mortally bad news, then it’s not so bad.
2. Does it involve money? If so, is it immediate money or money at some further time? If you can afford it then what’s the problem other than a short term diminishing of your funds? If you can’t afford it worrying won’t help you figure out how to get the money if it’s something you really need.
3. Try to find a way to view situations as a story you can tell other people later. I do that one often, even if I’m a part of the story at the time. It’s hard to remain angry when your mind is on something else, such as trying to remember stuff.
4. Try to find something to smile about. Even serious events can sometimes be diffused with a smile here and there. You comfort people by trying to make them feel better, and if it works for them why can’t it work for you?
5. Remember that you’re never really alone. You always have someone to talk to, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or someone on social media. Goodness, one of the best things about a blog is being able to occasionally get your thoughts out into the open and then having your visitors help you mentally. There’s always someone around who wants to help you feel better; the world really is a much better place than the news makes it out to be sometimes.
That’s all I have… well, except for the video. Let me know your thoughts below; now enjoy my video, even if I’m not in it.
I was on a roll last week. After reading a post on Ileane’s Basic Blog Tips I was inspired to write a post titled Is Your Work Worth Nothing. It seems that, for this person, just because he didn’t understand something he felt it prudent that the people doing SEO work for him should be paid based on results and not based on the fact that they did the work. Of course when I asked him if he wanted to be paid that way he said no, but that SEO work is different; no it’s not.
My comments on that post and then my post here got me an invite to write a guest post for Ileane, which I’ll do when asked, and I came up with one I called 5 Ways Your Blog Might Be Irritating People. That post got a lot of responses, and I appreciate everyone who participated; it was a lot of fun. And I didn’t gripe about anything I haven’t griped about here every once in awhile, but it ended up being a pretty long post; I’m glad Ileane was okay with that.
I had been on a pattern of criticism, all of which started with how my grandmother was treated while a patient in the hospital. Oh, people were nice, but overall competence wasn’t up to standard; being a health care consultant, I know. I even wrote a small bit of that criticism here.
Funny thing about criticism; once you’ve opened up your eye and started looking for things that aren’t going well, you get really good at it, focused on it, and suddenly all it seems you’re seeing is incompetence everywhere. And man, it’s easy to find. It’s a place that’s easy to get into, but in the long run it might not be all that much fun.
Hence, the day after writing that post, being on Twitter and complaining about the weather. Yeah, the weather. lol In central New York, it’s like we jumped from winter to summer and totally skipped spring except for the rainy part. The temperature hit 92° (33C), and I’m sorry but that’s just way too hot for me. It was already over 80° around 9:30, and I was griping about that as well because I had hoped to cool the house off before it got really hot.
That’s when one of my online friends, Shirley George Frazier of Solo Business Marketing said: “Concentrate on the things you can control, and the rest will fall in line”. Goodness, what a thing to say to me at that moment. She hadn’t known what I’d been going through and what I’d been like, yet it was a very timely statement. I needed to see it and hear it; heck! Of course, being cool, I wrote back with “You mean I can’t control the weather?” She wrote back “Controlling the weather — something to add to your wish list!”
Funny lady, but the point was taken. It’s easy to complain about things, but harder to think about those things that we could actually do something about. There were a lot of things I was complaining about that I actually did something about, but others that I knew there wasn’t anything I could do. In an odd way I didn’t get all that depressed about any of it, but I also wasn’t as content and happy as I could have been, as I had been before my grandmother got hurt.
An important lesson for those of us who blog is to not get so into complaining about things that we don’t try to fix and resolve what we can. For all the complaints I wrote in the post on Ileane’s blog, I could control only what I do on my blog, and I don’t do any of the things I find irritating. For what happened to my grandmother I had a meeting with a representative at the hospital, and so far have also ended up talking to a couple of department directors on how things could have been improved. I feel good about that because I know that everything I say, if they fix it, will help the next patient that they encounter.
If you’re going to complain, do something about it as well; otherwise, maybe channel those thoughts towards something more positive. I think I can say that most of the time when I complain about something I’m also about to do something about it as well, or have done something about it, like when I talked about our smartphone issues. Are you making sure you’re doing something about those things that irritate you? Are some of those things on this tolerations list (it’s a pdf)?
Earlier today, a friend of mine called (she doesn’t ever read this blog, so of course she’ll be checking on it pretty soon after this) because she just needed to vent; that’s one of her best phrases. She’s been having a tough go of it lately; actually, she’s been having a tough go of it since I’ve met her. The thing is, though I’ve never told her this directly (though I have said it), almost every single piece of it is her fault. I sympathize with her only because she’s my friend, and for no other reason.
During her rant, she said she’s done everything possible to get things to go in her favor over the years. She asks why good things don’t happen for good people, but they always seem to happen to bad people. She said she’s always trying to think of the positive side of things, but how hard it is because of all the bad stuff that’s gone on in her life. On and on and on it went. Today I was just listening, but I was chomping at the bit. I really wanted to say something, but there are those days when you don’t want to beat up on someone, even if the way I beat up on people is usually fairly kind. I will tell people the way it is, but I’m not brutal.
I’m going to tell a personal story here, if I may. Back in 1991, I lost a very good job. Years later I learned the truth about losing the job, and in reality it had nothing to do with me, but at the time it happens you start to lose a little bit of confidence in yourself. You battle and battle yourself, but sometimes it just doesn’t come through to you.
I was lucky. At the time, the economy was about as bad as it is now, and that means unemployment was extended from the norm of 26 weeks in New York state to an extra 28 weeks. I also sued my past employer, and based on the law they had to pay me during a portion of it. So I had money coming in, but it made it difficult to find work because at any time I had to be available to leave for court, and it would have been hard to get any new employer to go for something like that. I also had problems getting work because the job I’d lost was at a high level. Those employers that did contact me and interview me wouldn’t hire me because they didn’t think I’d stay at the jobs all that long; you know, that “over-qualified” thing.
I was out of work for almost 18 months. It wasn’t pretty, to be sure. What ended up happening is that the judge took the case and said he’d be making his decision. At that point, my past employer didn’t have to pay me anymore. Unemployment was over with also. I had no money coming in, and I was living alone. I had no prospects for real work, and I was depressed. I was in a bad way, and a bad spot. I was within 30 days of having to make a very critical decision; at age 34, it looked like I was going to have to totally swallow my pride, give up my apartment, and move to another city to live with my parents.
I decided that just wasn’t in the cards. I was going to get work, no matter what it was, and I was going to stay in my own apartment and work my way back out of my problems. The first thing I did was call some of my past contacts; I didn’t have many of them, but I hopped on the phone and called them all, saying I needed work. The second thing I did was go up to the closest gas station and apply to work there. My thinking was that if I could get at least a part time job I’d have a little bit of money coming in, and it would allow me to continue looking for other things, as I was putting in for second shift, and if I needed to work temporary jobs in the meantime during the day then I’d do that also. My main goal was to stay in my apartment; I figured food would come, and my utilities were already totally covered. And, if need be, I could walk to work, as it was just down the street.
I got the part time job within an hour of applying. Two hours later, I got called for a contract job in the city, full time, though no benefits. I didn’t care; it wasn’t great pay, but it was pay. And it was going to be enough to pay my bills, and if I budgeted well enough I’d at least be able to eat. Matter of fact, since I was working at the gas station, I got a discount on their hot foods, so eating wasn’t going to be a problem either.
Back then, I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about my problems, but I did have this resolve that said I would do whatever it took to be independent, and whatever it took to take care of myself. I have that same resolve today as a consultant, and it’s a good thing since I’ve yet to make it at a big time internet marketer. 🙂 It’s a tough road at times being independent, and yet I’ve shown every time that when the chips are down I’ll do whatever it takes to get some money coming in the door, and usually I’m lucky that it’s not chump change, as I like living fairly well.
Back to my friend. Her problem is that she spends all of her time saying what she “can’t” do and “doesn’t feel comfortable” doing, and that she’s “only qualified to do one thing”. She hasn’t hit that wall of clarity yet that says you do whatever you need to do to sustain yourself so you can hopefully one day get to do what you really want to do.
I believe in the laws of attraction, and in this case if you keep telling yourself you can’t do something, then that’s just what you won’t be able to do. If you spend your time thinking about getting back at someone you feel wronged you, then that’s all you’re going to think about and you won’t be able to progress. If all you can think about are bad decisions you made in your life, or why life keeps picking on you, or that you’re entitled to something else just because, well, whatever your reasoning is, then that’s where you’re always going to be stuck mentally, and if that’s the case then you might as well file for welfare and Medicaid now and just give up because you’re never going anywhere positive. I believe in the laws of attraction as they were discussed in the movie The Secret; what you concentrate on, positively or negatively, you will bring into your life.
My bet, in this day and age, is if my livelihood depended on it I’d probably have figured out the way of making lots of money on the internet. But I haven’t given up on this dream; lucky for me, I will always do whatever it takes to sustain myself and my family until something I really want takes off. Folks, it’s out there for all of us if we can only maintain the proper mindset. Think positively, and your actions will be positive, and eventually positive things will happen to you. Try to define your goals; check out this post, download the survey, and see where you stand as far as goals you want to achieve in life.
It’s not bad people that succeed; it’s driven people that succeed. Sometimes those driven people are jerks; deal with it. Be responsible for your own life; if you are, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve.