I'm Just Sharing

Lol! Mitch!! Having read this post, I get to the end and there is an advert for: “Poko Pano Lauryn Bikini” and a photo of a young woman/girl in a red bikini!

Kinda fitting, really!!

And yeah… “much of this could be me suffering once again from the generation gap” – it is.

Mitch Reply:
August 29th, 2010 at 3:26 PM

I did that on purpose, Val; glad you got the inside joke.

I had a great relevant post and a whole nother path to take your premise down. Now I keep staring at a red bikini, or rather, whats sort of in it….

Mitch Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 10:05 AM

LOL! Gotta force your way through it, Paul.

Lots of good points.

It’s tough to expect modesty at the fair though. I went Saturday and saw some unique characters.

Couldn’t agree more about the men without shirts. The worst are the ones with the nipple rings.

Mitch Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 7:05 PM

Keith, you and I go to the health club, and there are guys there who, if they decided to flaunt it, who could be mad at them. Then there’s the other group where you want to ask “why are you torturing me like that?” Freaky.

LOL- you’ve been reading my mind- or rather mine and my daughters….

We were just talking this morning talking about “those” neighbors- males who drive their riding lawn mowers around with no shirt on, their man-boobs shaking like a go-go dancers- ewwwww!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot find my daughter (13 yrs old) a decent pair of shorts- they are all…well…SHORT! And I HATE the new styles where the bra straps show- seems like no matter what I buy her, the clothes are like that! Guess we’ll have to stick with t-shirts

Mitch Reply:
August 30th, 2010 at 7:07 PM

I haven’t quite figured out why this style of showing bra straps is, well, a style Carolee. I recognize that there are some styles where they’re hard to hide, but in other instances you just wonder what’s going on.

Man boobs; you’re killing me! lol

Its a combination of things I think – the pressures of modern life mean both parents are working and the media has to play a large part as well

Mitch Reply:
August 31st, 2010 at 2:43 PM

You might be correct, Peter, but on the weekend parents are with the kids and should see some of this stuff and nip it in the bud.

Having been the parent of a teenage daughter teenage girls dress proactively, one to feel sexy and two to fit in amongst their peers. It is all about attracting boys. You don’t dress that way without looking for a response.

Before you go judging the parents of daughters dressing this way. I recall one time when my husband went to the school and saw my daughter in a skirt not covering her tush. He made her change it and FYI she did not leave the house that way or did the skirt belong to her. But that’s what all her friends were wearing.

Also have you ever gone shopping in a teen store? We could get in an entire discussion on the clothes being made for teens and the advertisements.

Teens are wearing what is in fashion and what is being marketed to them.

It is difficult for girls, because when they go shopping, that’s what’s being sold to them.

Oh and what’s with the Poko Pano Lauryn Bikini advertisement in your blog post on modesty. Does not seem very fitting.

Mitch Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 1:36 AM

Rose, I have to totally disagree with everything you said. It’s parent’s fault for not keeping their daughters from looking like they’re ready to be raped if they’re walking with their daughters while they’re dressed like what I was seeing at the state fair. In my day, that just wouldn’t have happened, and if it came down to it, my wife would make clothes for any daughter we had. If you read the comment, Carolee said the same thing, went to the store to try to buy shorts, couldn’t find anything appropriate and didn’t buy them. To me, that’s an adult decision.

As to the picture of the woman with the bikini, Val got the irony of it, but this is an adult blog and certainly nothing close to many of the things you’ve put on your blog. Justify the vulva fragrance then talk to me about what’s appropriate.

Dressing sexy and fitting in shouldn’t be the focus of teens. I certainly never went for that when I was a teenager; I could care less what others thought of me unless I was beating them in sports. I think many parents abrogate their responsibilities and find other things and other people to blame things on. That’s why teen pregnancy is on the rise and violence against women is on the rise. There’s certainly no justification for either of those things, but parents seem to want a free ride without taking any of the blame or responsibility for their children’s behavior. My dad the master sergeant instilled in me one major point; never do anything that will embarrass the family name.

People sometimes say to me “you’re not a parent, so you don’t know.” Okay, parents, Carolee, Scott, Sire… your thoughts on how these young women are dressing and whether it’s someone else’s fault. If everyone agrees with Rose’s position on this, I’ll retract the entire post and that’s a promise.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 2:52 AM

I don’t recall anywhere you saying that the girl was with her mother. In fact what you said was “What was troubling to me was the overwhelming number of young girls, most of whom had to be under 18 if not 16, wearing very short shorts.” So all these young girls under 18 were with their mothers?

I also said my daughter got the skirt from a friend. I sure as heck didn’t buy it for her and like Carolee I commented on what the stores are selling. I’m sure Carolee at some point if not already may have a fight with her daughter over what is appropriate.

As for the ad, what does my post have to do with the fact that the only thing Paul had to add to the conversation was his comments about the red bikini.lol

I found your photo not very fitting for what I thought was a great topic on provocative dress and you respond to my comment asking me to justify something on my blog. Val may have found it fitting, but I didn’t. I only brought that up.

I find it ironic how you always go off like you are some expert on parenting when you have never raised a child. Who are you to judge parents when you have never been one.

I don’t agree with everything parents do. I don’t agree with how many of my son’s female friends dress, but I also know it is not easy being a parents and it is not easy being teen trying to fit in.

I recommend you go to the mall with your wife and go into a teen store & take a look at the clothes then come back here.

Media plays a big role in this and maybe it is because you are not a parent that you can’t see this. I really don’t know.

You took everything I wrote and made it sound just the opposite to what I was saying. I even read my reply and your reply to my husband and he agrees with me.

I’m not going to debate with you instead I’ll share my own opinion on my own blog.

Mitch Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:04 AM

I seem to give you a lot of fodder to write on your blog, Rose; maybe I should start charging a fee. lol

I did say that many of these young girls were with their parents, which was really shocking to me. As for going into a teen store, why the heck would I do that? I see things in the windows while walking through the mall that I would never consider wearing. Of course, while growing up we didn’t have specialty stores like that, so maybe my history of shopping at Sears, Penneys & other department stores like that have colored my shopping habits.

As for never being a parent, I’ve never been a pilot either, but I know flying blindfolded is a bad idea. I love how parents always use that excuse for those of us who don’t have kids, but the truth is that, unlike pilots, I had parents, and I was a kid. I’m a generation older than you and studies have shown that parents of baby boomers were more strict that parents of Gen X or Gen Y.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:07 AM

You may have been a kid, but how many years ago was that. I don’t recall ever having the arguments growing up in the 80′s over what clothes to wear as I did with my daughter in 2000. But then in the 80′s you had jeans that uh fit.

I’m just saying before you go judging parents stop to think for a moment.

Mitch Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:20 AM

Believe it or not I think before I write every post on every blog I have. I reserve the right to have my opinion on my blog about parents in general, as you have your opinion on your blog about topics you bring up. I noticed you never responded to my comment on the one post of yours about prejudice. You wrote on a topic you probably have never experienced, I commented on a topic that I’ve experienced often, and no response? I could call you out and say until you’ve experienced the type of prejudice I have that you can’t say anything about it, but that would be ridiculous, just like you saying I can’t judge parents because I’ve never been one.

By the way, I never had arguments with my parents on clothes either. For 5 years most of my clothes were mail order since the closest real store was more than 3 1/2 hours away.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 4:28 PM

I love how you respond to a debate by bringing up past topics that have no bearing on this one.

I have experienced prejudice, more than you know. What you think because you are a man of color you are the only one discriminated against. Wake up and think again.

Now can we get back to the topic at hand

Sire Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:20 AM

I sure had lot’s of arguments with my folks over what I wanted to wear Rose and I can honestly say I never won one of them. I think that’s our problem these days, we’re just too damn soft with our kids.

Can’t blame it all on peer pressure either because we had that in out days too. The only difference was that I reckon most parents were a lot stricter then than they are today.

Sire Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 2:31 AM

Rose, I reckon the girls aren’t all that dumb. They know what they’re buying when they buy it. Sure everyone else is wearing it but that’s no excuse to follow the trend. What the hell happened to individuality?

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:03 AM

I agree with you Sire. Children should have their own individuality, but peer pressure at high school is extreme.

Look for a follow up on my blog tomorrow.

Sire Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:13 AM

I’m not sure it’s high school that’s the problem, unless they don’t have a dress code. We sent out daughter to a private school where they had to wear uniforms.

Sure there is a lot of peer pressure out there, and it’s those parents who don’t mind what their kids do that make a parent’s job that much harder.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 5:14 PM

Not every school has a dress code. My son’s school doesn’t.

Sire Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:24 PM

I think that is where the problem lies, and yes there are parents that can be a problem.

Like I said I sent my kids to a private school and there was one occasion where a boy wore earrings to school and was told to take them off because it was against the schools dress code. The parent instead of sticking up for the school got all upset because she felt the kid had the right to be an individual. She couldn’t see she was wrong and that she was teaching the kid the wrong thing.

The same thing happened in regards to dress length and shoes etc. Luckily the school maintained it’s stance and parents either had to conform or leave.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 10:26 PM

Good for the school for maintaining a stance. I went to a catholic school very strict on dress code. That same school is no longer as strict.

There are many parents out there who, if they had to pass a simple test on raising kids, would have remained childless. At the same time, there are countless parents who have done their very best, worked hard, and worn themselves paper thin, and still the kids go off and do dumb things.

It’s impossible to know what goes on in someone else’s home. Maybe there’s a single mother or father working two jobs to pay the bills, or maybe there’s a medical issue to deal with, or younger kids who need attention. When you see a fourteen-year-old girl dressed provocatively, it may be natural to think, “Where are the parents?” That thought goes through my mind. But it just might be an unfair question. Sometimes kids, especially teenagers, wear their parents out. I can’t think of any other way to say it: They wear you out. Parents are just human beings, with a limited supply of time and energy. And they are frequently in survival mode, trying to channel their efforts into all of the demands of family life. It usually comes down to priorities, and occasionally the dress code drops down the list.

One other quick point: I think most people like what they’re told to like, and buy what they’re told to buy. I’m referring here to children, teens, and adults. If you go into most clothing stores, the vast majority of them seem to cater to teenage girls. And the stuff they have on display is the very stuff we’re talking about here: impossibly tiny shorts, blouses, and other things I wouldn’t be able to identify. The stores are screaming: “Look! This is what your favorite TV and pop stars are wearing, and this is what you should be wearing! Or don’t you want to fit in?” Sure enough, like some kind of mass hypnosis, most follow blindly. And once again, parents find themselves backed into a corner. If they give in, even momentarily, those are the results we all notice.

Mitch Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 9:10 AM

I don’t know that parents can allow themselves to be “beat down” on certain things, Charles. In my mind, how can someone say they’re worried about pedophiles then send their daughters out looking like a pedophile’s dream? Goodness, why not just change the law and say that anyone who reaches puberty is legally an adult, then let them wear whatever they want if they pay for it?

There are parents who give up under the pressure and there are parents who realize that they had kids and are responsible for them and hold the line. My parents said they stopped at one because they knew what their money situation was at the time and figured they could only afford one kid. I don’t believe most parents think along that route, and thus problems occur. I don’t doubt that parents get worn down sometimes, but isn’t safety supposed to be the first thing parents think of for their kids?

Charles Gulotta Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:59 PM

“There are parents who give up under the pressure and there are parents who realize that they had kids and are responsible for them and hold the line.”

I think that’s right. But I also think there’s a middle group — the ones who don’t give up, but the line gets broken anyway. For example, my wife and I did everything we could possibly do to rein her daughter in before she got herself into trouble. She lied to us repeatedly, made up wild stories about where she was and who she was with. We tried talking, punishing, therapy, and anything else we could think of. But short of locking the kid in the closet, what are you going to do? She got pregnant a month before her 17th birthday. I had predicted that very thing would happen, but sometimes the train is coming right at you and at some point, there’s nothing you can do.

I don’t want to put words in Rose’s mouth, but I think that’s at least connected with what she was trying to say. It isn’t always fair to look at the results and assume bad parenting.

Sire Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 7:14 PM

Hi Charles, here’s a thought, what if that middle group’s problem resulted from the fact that those other parents let their kids get away with murder. It sure doesn’t help when you’re trying to do the right thing but you’re constantly hamstringed by those parents who’s parenting is somewhat lacking.

Just a thought.

Charles Gulotta Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:45 PM

I agree, Sire, I think that’s another piece of it. And the permissiveness of other parents is another way your kids put pressure on you, by saying stuff like, “You’re the only one who says no.” Or, “I’m the only person in the whole school who can’t stay out past midnight.” And as a parent, you’re torn between wanting to protect your child and not wanting them to be alienated from the group. That no-win situation is a pretty familiar place.

Sire Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:17 AM

I know what I’m talking about because I’ve been there, and it’s pretty hard seeing the disappointment and sometimes anger, the old I hate you scenario, but as a parent you have to stand firm. Hopefully when they’re older they’ll understand.

Unfortunately it’s those ‘bad’ parents that stuff it up for the rest of us.

Mitch Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 10:28 PM

In the initial post, I never said “bad parents”; I asked where the parents were. I think it’s like living with someone and not noticing the other person is losing weight; parents can get used to the fact that it’s their kids and not pay attention as much to the fact that bodies have changed somewhat. I’m not sure parents see what non-parents see, and that’s scary to me. It was the same when we were kids; we all knew the kids who smoked and did drugs, but it seems their parents never did, even on military bases.

Still, my first thought will probably always be “where are the parents”. I mean, what else could I think first? “Look at that poor child?” “That’s a bad kid?” “Pizza slices are only $1.50 each”?

The overall question is still about modesty and where it’s gone. When I was 14, there was only one girl who anyone wondered about as far as modesty in high school. These days, it just seems like the modesty battle has already been lost. Like I wrote in a comment, change the laws, make us more like Europe, and this question goes away.

Rose Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 1:51 PM

Charles that is just what I was trying to say! Thank you and that must have been a difficult time for your family. How is your daughter now?

Mitch, perhaps it is time for you to “change” your way of thinking. You may not have said bad parents, however your initial remark “where are the parents” gives off that impression.

Modesty was lost when media & marketing started sexualizing our youth.

Charles Gulotta Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:55 PM

Well, we have a grandson who’s almost nine, and you know, a “mistake” like that early pregnancy becomes a little person who is part of the family. But at the time it was difficult. A child having a baby puts pressure on everyone.

I understand Mitch’s feelings completely, too. There’s this sense of, How in the world did we get to this point? And where will it go from here? If the boundaries keep getting pushed farther out, will we eventually find ourselves having to resign ourselves to things that are beyond unacceptable? There seems to be no turning back. It’s unsettling.

Rose Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:03 AM

I too understand where he is coming from. I blogged about it just the other day regarding sex in advertising. I just don’t agree where Mitch appears to be placing all the blame.

Rose Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 3:33 PM

Charles you made just the point I was trying to make.

Mitch, you blame a child and her parents because a pedophile is attracted to children?

Who says the parents send their child out looking this way? Again, you assume.

I definitely think today’s modesty issues among teens have something to do with the influences they got from peers as well as in any forms of media. They see all kinds of “cool” stuff on TV and magazines, considering them to be more acceptable to their age group if they try to follow what’s “in” these days. And the parents being okay about it adds to the problem.
I just hope parents do still remind their kids of the appropriateness of what they wear, it doesn’t have to be too bundled up but they should also emphasize the harms on wearing clothes that are too sexually encouraging for people who might just think of doing something bad to them.
At least, in that way, we can be involved in trying to mold our kids to be respectable individuals in the society.

Mitch Mitchell Reply:
February 13th, 2011 at 8:36 PM

Thanks for your thoughts, Georgina. I know some parents get tired of having this battle with their kids, and I do know that there’s so much skin out there by celebrities that they set some of these standards, but one has to hope that discretion is learned to some degree. I still have my prediction, though, that in 5 years more than 75% of every girl turning 18 will have taken a nude picture of herself on her phone.