My Hot Tub Adventure

On Friday the 21st I decided that for the first time ever I was going to try the hot tub at the health club my wife and I just joined. I get all my stuff together at the house, mainly because this means I’m going to have to change at the club after I do my workout, and then change again after I’ve gotten out of the hot tub. Normally I just wear what I’m going to workout in and then come back home.

We go to the club, my wife and I, and we do our workout route. Then I decide I’m going to try the hot tub while she works out some more. I go into the locker room to change, and… before I go any further I just have to say there is no other ways for me to describe some of what I’m going to say so you just going to have to go with me here.

I’m in the locker room, and I’m changing into my hot tub stuff. I decided that I am not sharing all of this body with all of these people I don’t know in public until I get into better shape, so I decide I’m wearing a shirt into the hot tub; stop laughing. Also, I haven’t been in real swimming trunks since 1976, since I can’t swim, and I wasn’t feeling all that comfortable with “the boys” hanging out without being in underwear, so I wore underwear under my swimwear.

The rules say you have to shower before you get into the hot tub, so I had my first shower ever with a shirt and underwear on. Across from me is this older white guy, with his back towards me. I finally had a question answered that I’ve wondered about for many many years that I really wish I hadn’t had answered.

That question has always been about white men’s sunken behinds. My wife and I see them walking down the street or in the stores or many other places, in pants with a belt and no behind, and we often wondered where the heck the behind is and how they keep their pants on. Well, I’m facing this older guys sunken behind, him totally naked, and my eyes aren’t appreciating it one bit. It reminded me of the only bit of the show Sex In The City that I saw where this woman had sex with an older man and thought maybe her beliefs in dating older men were wrong until she saw him walking away from her. Oy!

Then he decides to turn around, and now I’m facing the front of him. My eyes immediately went up to his head so I didn’t have to see his private parts, which probably would have freaked me out even more. This is a guy who you know has been working out at the club because at least he’s got a chest. The bottom of this chest immediately shrunk into this space that’s supposed to have a stomach, only I couldn’t notice one. I was totally freaked! I finished my shower as quickly as I could and got out of there.

Now it’s hot tub time. I set my towel and my glasses and the key to the locker I was using down on a chair and proceed to the hot tub, which is set at 103 degrees. I had to get used to that, which involved four steps to the bottom of the hot tub, me pausing at every step, finding out that the fourth step, which is to the bottom of the thing, was the longest drop down. Once totally in, the water is around the top of my stomach; this was about a 90 second process. I walked myself all the way to the back, as there was this guy standing in the middle of the thing to one side, and I had planned on settling down there.

However, within a couple of minutes my eyes were burning, and we speculated later that it was the chlorine coming from the pool in the same room, or possibly the hot tub, which was causing me all this distress. This meant I had to get back out of the hot tub, grab my towel and the rest of the stuff, put it near the area where it was originally sitting, and get back into the hot tub.

Mission accomplished, and now I’m sitting in the hot tub and relaxing. Or so I was hoping, because let me tell you, that hot tub was kicking my behind. My knees were loving it, but the rest of me wasn’t quite sure. The jets were very powerful, and I wasn’t prepared for anything like that. I did stay in about 10 minutes however, just to be a man about it, but when I got out I felt just like I had done another full workout. I was whipped, but me being me, you know the adventure wasn’t over.

Time to go back into locker room. Over where the lockers are the floor’s all rug, and I now know that I’m going to have to take some of the stuff off and wring out in the wet area before I go back to the lockers. As I look into the locker area, the original guy I saw is still there, and now there’s another white guy there, and I’m seeing the back of him and he’s also got a sunken white behind. I’m freaked again!

I take my shirt off first and I wring it out in the shower area and set it down. Then I take off my swimming trunks and I wring them out and set them down. Now, I haven’t been in a locker room or shower naked around any other guys since probably 1991 or 1992, which was the last time I belonged to a health club, and I’m not feeling it this time around. So I dried myself off as much as possible and went to my locker.

I was all alone by the locker with no one else around and I reached into the locker and grabbed some dry underwear, whisked off what I had really quickly and dried myself just as quickly, and pulled on new underwear. Mission accomplished; whew! Then I got dressed and put back together, all the while feeling extremely drained and tired.

When I finally got back out to the lobby, where my wife was waiting for me, I felt like I could barely move. I ordered us a couple of smoothies, which helped put some life back into my body. Probably one of the issues is that I hadn’t had anything to drink while working out or while I was in the hot tub, and I was probably dehydrated.

At some point I know I’m going to go back into the hot tub again, but I certainly hope I don’t see what I saw before, and I also hope I’m smart enough to at least take some water in with me to see if that helps out some. Why can’t a hot tub be more like a Jacuzzi?

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38 thoughts on “My Hot Tub Adventure”

  1. Mitch, you had me in stitches with this one. I wish that I could have been a lizard on the wall to see your face during all the adventures!
    .-= Rummuser´s last blog ..Speechless! =-.

    1. Rummuser, I’m only hoping that I kept my face at least somewhat frozen to hide the horror I was feeling. lol

  2. Great story and I’m sorry that I find joy in reading about your hot tub “misery” 🙂

    I guess this is partly why I don’t go to a health club myself. There’s just too many “social” things that I probably can’t figure out or don’t want to… or something like that.

    However, I’m so lucky that the flat I’m currently renting, already has a hot tub, so I enjoy sitting in it in the evenings – all alone, no old men around 🙂
    .-= Klaus @ TechPatio´s last blog ..May 2010: Blog Summary & Income Report =-.

    1. Klaus, I knew the story would be funny, because true stories often are. When I hit it big, you know I’m having a Jacuzzi put in my house so I can “tub” in peace. lol

  3. I used to go to the health club every other day for years. I quit about two years ago, and one of the reasons was the locker room scenery you describe. I stopped having nightmares about it, oh about three weeks ago, so thanks, Mitch, for bringing it all right back.

    1. Charles, I calls ’em as I sees ’em. And that video was great, as he talked about the shrunken behinds, then asked old men to stop getting naked in locker rooms. Killer stuff!

  4. Lizard, I would have settled to being a fly, that way I could fly around your head leaving snide remarks as I went 😀

    As to the sunken behind, must be a Yank thing as I have a cute ass 😉 One thing, when you say sunken do you mean like it goes in instead of out because that would freak me out.

    And you had a smoothie after working out! That has calories right, what were you thinking all that hard work and all? Next time go for a cold glass of water, will cost you a lot less too.
    .-= Sire´s last blog ..The Importance Of Honesty In Blogging =-.

    1. Actually Sire, water would cost me almost as much as the smoothie, unless I went for the lukewarm water in the water fountain, and I don’t do lukewarm. Trust me, after that experience I needed that smoothie. At the health club, they put “stuff” in it that’s not quite the same stuff you’d get in a mall. So, it’s supposedly healthier. At least that’s what they tell us.

      1. In that case I would always go for the cold water, even if the cost is the same, especially if the idea of going to the gym is to lose weight.
        .-= Sire´s last blog ..How Would You Like To Win An Apple iPad? =-.

      2. Oh sure; that would just be one more thing for me to try to remember that I brought. I left my wallet there one day this week; don’t want to take those kinds of chances.

  5. Good one, Mitch!

    Back when I would go to the gym, I was always forgetting my water. I have to agree- spending $1.50 on water seems ridiculous!

    My mom has a hot tub, so I can skip that gym stuff now….
    .-= Carolee´s last blog ..Gaining and keeping momentum =-.

    1. Carolee, is the hot tub outside or inside? I can’t figure out this outside stuff; not me!

  6. Wait, hold on here a second… (cough, snicker… giggle… HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!) I was playing with my new iPod toy here saw the blog had to stop and go to the computer because it’s bigger print! Now! You finally have the answer as to why I like younger men. 🙂 I don’t want to see that either! ROFL! This is funny stuff Mitch. HAHAHA!

  7. The smoothies actually have more rejenerative (is that a word?) qualities than mere water alone. Although, I do suggest you stay hydrated while you work out w/water. 🙂

    1. Pretty close; use a “g” instead of the “j” and you’d have got it perfect. However, I do need to start taking water at some point; I’m just kind of persnickety with my water, needing it very cold always, otherwise I won’t drink it.

  8. ‘my eyes aren’t appreciating it one bit’. LOL, absolutely hilarious! Great story!

    1. Thanks Summer; had to come home and wash my eyes out with alcohol because soap wasn’t strong enough. lol

  9. OMG, this was such a funny stories! Kudos, for trying something new. I was dying when you mentioned the sunken behind. I call it the concave booty. You will have to let us know how part II goes 😉

    1. Concave first, Monique. We were at the club today, and we can easily tell who’s going to win and fail when it comes to booties. Even some of the women; guess that’s to be expected, though.

  10. OMG! I was laughing so hard, my husband got up from the other room to see what was going on. This was the FUNNIEST story I’ve read about a health club experience. I have a few of my own with those little old white women who come all dolled up with makeup and oxygen tanks. I haven’t brought myself to write those yet–but you’ve definitely inspired me to do so.
    .-= Beverly Mahone´s last blog ..Senior Tips on Making Whoopee =-.

    1. Glad to get a big laugh out of you, Bev. Yeah, I see those ladies at the health club also, and I’m just glad I don’t have to see more of them. lol

  11. Mitch, you poor guy you. Thank you for the laugh. My first experience in a hot tub was more enjoyable. The hot tub was in our hotel room. lol
    .-= Rose´s last blog ..41st birthday =-.

    1. You sure that wasn’t a Jacuzzi? Much different than a hot tub as far as heat and intensity, and I guess access. lol

  12. Funny story thanks for the laughter. I actually bought a hot tub for my garden as I was too embarrassed to share one with strangers at the gym.

    1. Thanks Carolee. That part, though funny in retrospect, was the one part I wasn’t expecting that day.

  13. Its quite amazing and funny story. After long time I have read such a great post. I am sure its Jacuzzi, its my favorite bath-tub. lol. Thanks for posting such a cool story.

  14. Its really an amazing story. I enjoyed reading it. I am agree with WLE, may be its Jacuzzi tub. Jacuzzi Tubs are quite famous around people and also its my one of the favorite bath tub. Thanks for sharing such a good post with us. Thank You.

  15. I think your majorly overreacting. So in 50 years when you look the same as the guys in the shower your going to have nightmares about yourself? This has got to be so so stupid. Over modestism is just destroying my generation. I am 29 and I grew up beleiving that my mody is evil and dirty and to be exposed, even, in an area where it’s unavoidable is wrong. I refuse to shower with anything on, I mean come on how else do you get clean?? I used to work in a nursing home and there is no modesty there and gave every possible looking old guy a bath. So for me it’s like whatever, I don’t even notice it anymore. I refuse to buy into the ultra modestiy that my generation has gotten into there brains. I have no problem being naked in the locker room, I think it’s totaly stupid, I mean everyone has got the same part so why does it matter. I also have read everyones so called unwriten rules, and I thnik they were writen my pariond, zeenaphobic people that are not sercured with there bodies and then make it a hell for us. I checked with my club they said being naked in the hot tube wasn’t againt there rules, and thoes are the only rules I will follow, and I will not obey any of the unwriten rules, and if people have a problem with it, they can kiss my big fat white butt!! You all need to learn to relax because I get sick of it.

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