Y’all know I’ve talked about being influential in the past. I need to talk about it more because, as I always say, the more influence one has the better opportunity one has to make money and make a difference. There’s nothing wrong with either so if your mind is in that place leave it immediately and never go back there.
 |
A couple of days ago I was watching a video of Marie Forleo’s, and if you’re looking to grow your business and also need boosts of positivity you have to check out her video page on YouTube, which I check into often. She was interviewing a lady named Sally Hogshead, who has a business that teaches people how to evaluate how fascinating they are and how to become more fascinating in the eyes of others.
Now, initially that can sound strange until you hear her talk about it. In essence she sees the topic of fascination as a way to be in people’s minds so that you’re the only thing they can think about at certain times, if not all the time. It’s kind of like the fascination people have with certain musicians or actors or models. Her premise is that everyone is born being fascinating but over time we start to diminish ourselves, either by our own means or by listening to the words of others. Then when we need to be more fascinating, such as those of us who work for ourselves, it’s hard to turn back on. So she teaches people how to recapture that and gives 7 triggers to getting there in her latest book which is called Fascinate.
Here’s where things get interesting. One of the things she said in the video, which I’m putting at the bottom of this post, is that we need to look at ourselves and determine how other people see us, then figure out how to be more fascinating. My interpretation on this is that we do this to either try to figure out how to impress those people enough to want to hang onto our every word or buy from us or to even like us.
In other words, self reflection time; scary isn’t it? I’ve written on this blog & another blog that one thing most people hate to do is self evaluation. It’s scary because we’re all critical about ourselves and find it hard to find or talk about the good things that are within us. We’re not smart enough or tall enough or pretty enough or anything enough; isn’t that how it goes? Sure, every once in awhile we start feeling special, and yet it’s not often that many of us can sustain this. And that’s a shame.
If I had to go first, and I do since I’m writing this, I’d have to admit that more often than not I’m not feeling fascinating at all. I’m certainly not feeling influential. And yet, a few days ago I went to another local event where bloggers in the area got together and talked and networked, and I had a great time. Not only that but I can truthfully say that I felt a lot of people enjoyed my company and were happy to see and meet me. Heck, I got hugs all around; what’s better than that?
And yet, there are other meetings I go to where I feel like I’m the pariah in the room. Sally actually mentioned in the video that people get feelings from others and often ignore them in one direction or the other, but that we really do know what we’re feeling. Trust me on this one, often in my professional networking ventures I feel like people are working hard “not” to see me. That’s disconcerting and bothersome, and I either react by leaving pretty quickly or looking hard to find someone I know well enough to hang with. That means I don’t meet as many new people as one would hope, thus limiting the possibilities of being influential in any way or even attempting to be fascinating.
That’s part of the key, isn’t it? If one demures and doesn’t say anything, how will anyone even have the opportunity to see if you’re fascinating or not? For all the stories I have and the experiences I’ve been a part of, if I keep them all to myself who would ever find out if I was someone worthy of knowing? For that matter how could I ever determine whether I was fascinating or not, or what I might need to change? Blogging’s a nice thing, but is it enough to express oneself? Not in public it isn’t.
Enough about me; your turn. Do you think you’re fascinating? If so, why, and if not, why. What holds you back and what are you willing to do to try to break out of it? As you’re reading this I’m in the middle of 5 videos in 5 days, an experiment I’m trying out. My attempt at opening up some, being more personable, seeing if I can be fascinating or if I’m just goofy. You can check them out here if you have the guts. lol Meanwhile, check out the video below; both of these ladies are fascinating:
Nice Post MITCH I really enjoy to read this Article and i watch MARIE FORLEO’S video it’s awesome. well in my opinion if you do own work in proper way and indifferent attitude people Fascinating your working so if you looking attractive or not it’s not matter and there are lot’s of peoples different view about FASCINATING.
Sneha, the main takeaway from the piece is that all of us are fascinating in some way if we believe it, and if we can convince others that we’re fascinating then we have an opportunity for good things in our lives. I like that part a lot.
Great thinking Mitch. That’s what I’ve always believed. We all have that little something in us that we wish to have. All we have to do is just realize it and present it to the world. I wish we all understood that
That’s just not how the world works Pitt. The movie The Secret tried to tell people that and most got the wrong message unfortunately.
I do have a habit of doing a self check every now and then But from experience I can say that sometimes when this thing is taken a bit too far. It can be destructive rather then getting something positive out of it. In short Yes one should try and do all that is possible but then should not get over obsessed with the idea 🙂
I’m not so sure Keral. I’ll say that if one gets to the point where they’re getting depressed then yes, that’s too far. But seeing if one’s growing in presence isn’t such a bad thing overall because influence is a good thing and being fascinating is as well.
Mitch, in my ongoing and mostly pathetic effort to get out there and network, I recently joined the local chamber of commerce. Last week, I went to my first monthly mixer, and after about thirty minutes of walking around trying to connect with people, I had to fight the urge to go home. The truth is, I don’t have a mixer personality, and I’m guessing you don’t either. In fact, our very first contact (three years ago!) centered around that feeling of being invisible. But I like what they said in this video — that we need to use the strengths we already have. I doubt I’ll ever think of myself as fascinating, but I may someday believe that there are a few people out there who see me that way.
Thanks for a very helpful post.
Thanks for your comment Charles, and I happen to think you’re one of the most fascinating people blogging. I remember when you contacted me; I felt fascinating at that moment because it was out of the blue & unexpected and you were really nice in what you said to me.
As for those Chamber things, I always felt like that and sometimes did leave within 10 to 15 minutes; why be uncomfortable was my motto, though as I met more people it didn’t happen as often, although right now I’m not a member and I’m feeling a bit freer because of it. But I’ll get back into it at some point.
Mitch, I love that you posted about this. I’m a big fan of Marie’s work and B-School grad. It’s an interesting concept, as long as we can be fascinating AND authentic. Lets talk about this more at the next meetup, where you will no doubt be Mr. Fascinating!
Thanks Joanna; too bad you missed the last one, and if things go as I’m working on I’ll probably miss the next one. I’m working on this fascinating thing by diversifying my videos to a degree, and it might be working some.
Yes, absolutely I am FASCINATING AND INTRIGUING!!! When people initially meet me, I think they think one thing but when they engage me in conversation, it becomes apparent that I am no slouch. My life’s stories are as funny as any comedian’s jokes and I am always too happy to share my menopause stories. 🙂
LOL! I can’t identify with the menopause stories but you are definitely fascinating. The times we’ve spent together on the podcasts and the radio program have been wild. One day I’ll be close to where you are.
I’ve always considered as being fascinating is like having that attraction in born, the charisma if you’d like. It mostly depends on the empathy. I am aware that even if I try hard to develop my pleasant persona, still there would be a lot of people who would consider me antipathetic.
Alex, anyone can learn almost anything. That’s what I say and that’s what the woman who write the book on the subject has to say as well. If you really want to learn how to be a bit more charismatic when you speak try joining a group like Toasmasters; it can do wonders.