Be Responsible For Your Own Life

I’m slightly going off topic here because, well, I feel a need to urge people to do just what it is they need to do for themselves and their lives.

His Hand
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Earlier today, a friend of mine called (she doesn’t ever read this blog, so of course she’ll be checking on it pretty soon after this) because she just needed to vent; that’s one of her best phrases. She’s been having a tough go of it lately; actually, she’s been having a tough go of it since I’ve met her. The thing is, though I’ve never told her this directly (though I have said it), almost every single piece of it is her fault. I sympathize with her only because she’s my friend, and for no other reason.

During her rant, she said she’s done everything possible to get things to go in her favor over the years. She asks why good things don’t happen for good people, but they always seem to happen to bad people. She said she’s always trying to think of the positive side of things, but how hard it is because of all the bad stuff that’s gone on in her life. On and on and on it went. Today I was just listening, but I was chomping at the bit. I really wanted to say something, but there are those days when you don’t want to beat up on someone, even if the way I beat up on people is usually fairly kind. I will tell people the way it is, but I’m not brutal.

I’m going to tell a personal story here, if I may. Back in 1991, I lost a very good job. Years later I learned the truth about losing the job, and in reality it had nothing to do with me, but at the time it happens you start to lose a little bit of confidence in yourself. You battle and battle yourself, but sometimes it just doesn’t come through to you.

I was lucky. At the time, the economy was about as bad as it is now, and that means unemployment was extended from the norm of 26 weeks in New York state to an extra 28 weeks. I also sued my past employer, and based on the law they had to pay me during a portion of it. So I had money coming in, but it made it difficult to find work because at any time I had to be available to leave for court, and it would have been hard to get any new employer to go for something like that. I also had problems getting work because the job I’d lost was at a high level. Those employers that did contact me and interview me wouldn’t hire me because they didn’t think I’d stay at the jobs all that long; you know, that “over-qualified” thing.

Act Globally
via Compfight

I was out of work for almost 18 months. It wasn’t pretty, to be sure. What ended up happening is that the judge took the case and said he’d be making his decision. At that point, my past employer didn’t have to pay me anymore. Unemployment was over with also. I had no money coming in, and I was living alone. I had no prospects for real work, and I was depressed. I was in a bad way, and a bad spot. I was within 30 days of having to make a very critical decision; at age 34, it looked like I was going to have to totally swallow my pride, give up my apartment, and move to another city to live with my parents.

I decided that just wasn’t in the cards. I was going to get work, no matter what it was, and I was going to stay in my own apartment and work my way back out of my problems. The first thing I did was call some of my past contacts; I didn’t have many of them, but I hopped on the phone and called them all, saying I needed work. The second thing I did was go up to the closest gas station and apply to work there. My thinking was that if I could get at least a part time job I’d have a little bit of money coming in, and it would allow me to continue looking for other things, as I was putting in for second shift, and if I needed to work temporary jobs in the meantime during the day then I’d do that also. My main goal was to stay in my apartment; I figured food would come, and my utilities were already totally covered. And, if need be, I could walk to work, as it was just down the street.

I got the part time job within an hour of applying. Two hours later, I got called for a contract job in the city, full time, though no benefits. I didn’t care; it wasn’t great pay, but it was pay. And it was going to be enough to pay my bills, and if I budgeted well enough I’d at least be able to eat. Matter of fact, since I was working at the gas station, I got a discount on their hot foods, so eating wasn’t going to be a problem either.

Back then, I didn’t have anyone to really talk to about my problems, but I did have this resolve that said I would do whatever it took to be independent, and whatever it took to take care of myself. I have that same resolve today as a consultant, and it’s a good thing since I’ve yet to make it at a big time internet marketer. 🙂 It’s a tough road at times being independent, and yet I’ve shown every time that when the chips are down I’ll do whatever it takes to get some money coming in the door, and usually I’m lucky that it’s not chump change, as I like living fairly well.

Do something good every day
Creative Commons License Howard Lake via Compfight

Back to my friend. Her problem is that she spends all of her time saying what she “can’t” do and “doesn’t feel comfortable” doing, and that she’s “only qualified to do one thing”. She hasn’t hit that wall of clarity yet that says you do whatever you need to do to sustain yourself so you can hopefully one day get to do what you really want to do.

I believe in the laws of attraction, and in this case if you keep telling yourself you can’t do something, then that’s just what you won’t be able to do. If you spend your time thinking about getting back at someone you feel wronged you, then that’s all you’re going to think about and you won’t be able to progress. If all you can think about are bad decisions you made in your life, or why life keeps picking on you, or that you’re entitled to something else just because, well, whatever your reasoning is, then that’s where you’re always going to be stuck mentally, and if that’s the case then you might as well file for welfare and Medicaid now and just give up because you’re never going anywhere positive. I believe in the laws of attraction as they were discussed in the movie The Secret; what you concentrate on, positively or negatively, you will bring into your life.

My bet, in this day and age, is if my livelihood depended on it I’d probably have figured out the way of making lots of money on the internet. But I haven’t given up on this dream; lucky for me, I will always do whatever it takes to sustain myself and my family until something I really want takes off. Folks, it’s out there for all of us if we can only maintain the proper mindset. Think positively, and your actions will be positive, and eventually positive things will happen to you. Try to define your goals; check out this post, download the survey, and see where you stand as far as goals you want to achieve in life.

It’s not bad people that succeed; it’s driven people that succeed. Sometimes those driven people are jerks; deal with it. Be responsible for your own life; if you are, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve.

The Power of Clarity

The Power of Clarity
by Brian Tracy

Price: $64.95


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7 comments on “Be Responsible For Your Own Life

  • Good post – lot of value in developing option sorting skills with these kind of issues. BTW – thanks for the plug on the sneezing panda way back in July – I missed that link (probably on holiday)!

  • Great post, Mitch. It is always refreshing to see someone talk about giving up a victim mentality and learning how to attract what we want most in our lives. It’s not always easy, but it is always possible.

    Lynn Terry has a discussion going on her blog that is similar to this. She talks about how hard she worked and how tough some of that time was when she was first developing her Internet marketing business.

    I made a long comment in that thread, but I’m going to compress it here.

    We are each totally responsible for ourselves, our intentions, and our actions.

    In order to get what we want, I believe we have to identify exactly what it is we want, imagine already having it, and resolve to become the person who already has what we want in our imagination.

    “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” — Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich.

    Set a goal, make a plan, and act to achieve that goal.

    If we get sidetracked, we back up and try a different direction, but we don’t quit.

    As you say, we may have to do other things to survive (or even thrive) as we work to achieve our main goal, but if we want to become the person we’ve imagined, we keep working the plan until we succeed.

    I can easily imagine who I want to be a year from now. I’m not so good at looking five or ten years ahead.

    We can’t let our current circumstances or lack of progress stop us from continuing to work our plan. With a dedicated commitment, we can make a major change in our lives in a year’s time.

    Right now, I’m going through a rough period and some days it is difficult to keep that vision of my future self in mind, but I take some time every day to do just that and evaluate where I am in relation to the goal I intend to achieve.

    As you said, sometimes we have to take a detour in order to get money coming in and survive the bad times before we get to do exactly what we want, but that should not deter us from continuing to work toward what we really want. In your example, you worked days to survive and evenings to thrive.

    Who will you be a year from now?

    Act on your dream!


  • First VN, no problem with the acknowledgment; that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

    Second, thanks for your comment here. Truthfully, all someone has to do is decide they don’t want to be a victim anymore and then things will take off for them. At least that’s how I see it.

  • Hi John; thanks for the comment. I know you’re going through some personal things, and one of the things that gets in the way are those outside family influences over which one really doesn’t have any control. So,instead, we work hard to concentrate on those things we really do have some control over and just get it done whenever we can.

    I also saw Terry’s post, and thought it was very well written.

  • The thing in life if you want to get ahead is not to bitch about how bad things are but to go out and make thing better by making things happen. Just as you did. Sitting on your behind complaining won’t make anything happen.

    It’s like may dad always told me, if the only job you can get is scrubbing toilets you take it until something better comes along.

  • this entire post was on the mark. It is something that I think alot of us still have to remember and practice daily…I know I try to keep my self as optimistic as I can. I discovered awhile back that it does no good at all to be negative about any situation…it never makes it better.

  • Good point, Amber. It can be hard to break out of negativity, but we all have to try. And it helps if we can hear from, and get support from, others who encourage us.

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